78e6e56222c8450e926625c3733ad17340c73f6f5e2f42b459244a3a0f72c08cWhy do people think that every ones lives are like theirs, why do we compare ourselves to others? No one knows anyone else or their story. I don’t know what you have been through before you cut me off and give me a dirty look even though the walk sign is flashing and you’re driving. I am not mad at you when something comes up and you are late. I do not judge you when you are yelling at your child or partner in the middle of the store. I do not know your day, life or struggles. I do not need to, I try to be compassionate and let you be you. I for sure do not come tell you that you should not park in the handicap parking spot, or walk around your vehicle making sure you have a handicap sticker.
I am sick of feeling like I am holding up society, a burden even. Humans have no time for the strange. I walk with my son in malls and people almost run into him. I stop to cough and people run into me or run from me. My daughter is a hyper brat because she physically cannot sit still or stop making some sort of noise. My hubby has panic attacks and storms off, people look at me and my kids like we our abused.
I was talking to this lady on the phone the other day, simply clarifying a form that I am supposed to send to her, and she actually says I am sorry I am getting frustrated with your questions. I am sure I am not relaying what is needed clearly, but can she not see on my file that both my children have special needs, could she not her my son crying in the background and my daughter chatting/yelling in my ear about whatever she can think of so that I am paying attention to her and not who is on the other end. On top of this trying to log into my account to find the exact from so I don’t have to go through this again for the third time. I got off the phone and simply started to cry. My husband held me as I sobbed into his shoulder saying “I am not stupid” I am an exhausted Mom trying to organize and keep track of the never ending shit that is being thrown at me. I have encountered this situation with the government workers many times and also school, hospital and even some home situations. I have enough guilt and emotions going on in my head and don’t need to be brought down even further.
I feel lost, alone, scared and guilty most days. I try to be organized. I try not to run late for appointments. I try to keep my schedule straight. I try damn it….I try…..


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